So As I am going to be OFFICIALLY into my DIRTY THIRTY DECADE. I would like to reflect on the growth of this past year.
1. I have learned that I am not POOR- In graduate school somehow I got so stuck on a number figure for a career... God made sure to let me learn that lesson quick. Still on the survival mode, but sitting with my kids that wonder if they have food at home, who don't have real toys to play with, moms are hocking their games and game systems to ensure the "lights" stay on is what people who are Poor worry about... and eviction and not being able to live with someone. So I am not poor. I am very rich and need to be thankful for my family and friends who have supported me.
2. Forgiveness -In my mid 20s i went through the Worst heartbreak (dating). I thought I could never over come him or the hurt. Now that year 30 brought him back to mend the wound . It help me understand that some of it was about learning to trust and not trust to the point of foolishness. And even when people hurt you being able to forgive and grow. I realize that I still love this man, and we will never be together. But we can be distant friends. He is a good person, and talking to him helped me realize that.
3. A dreamed deferred- What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore-- And then run? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over-- like a syrupy sweet?Maybe it just sags like a heavy load. Or does it explode?- Langston Hughes. I think My dream this dream of the Phd. is still there. Last year and for many years I suppose if I you asked it may have felt and I may have thought it was like all of those horrible things in this poem. But no... a dreamed differed is a detour, a have faith sign, a God is waiting on you to become who you need to be. He is cultivating knowledge, the right people, and environments to help you Thrive. A dreamed differed is the roots of something better. The butterfly cant stand on the outside of the cacoon and struggle. It must build its enclosure, go in a state of stress, and then eat its way out... To emerge changed for the better. A dream differed is my catalyst to become something better than the person i was when i went to and then left Ohio.
4. Love- Love is such a versitale thing. To want to love others so bad, when sometimes you wonder if love is something you do for yourself. Love hurts so much when you have to learn to love yourself. For all your pros and cons. To openly accept that at 30 you are going to be different from when you were a child or a 20something. Love begins inside, but attracts others to you unconditionally. It is not something that can be manipulated, misnamed, or mistreated. I realize that in this year I have learned to try to LOVE myself which meant cutting people loose. Sometimes outside love (or fake love) can taint what the best work God has in store. It genuinely start from self.
5. Getting old- I feel so much better . I love my body more. I am not as critical as i was in my teens or 20s. I have geriatric days, my immune system acts up some days, and to some i am not thin enough. But i would rather age like fine wine than be a part of the spirit world. Age gracefully and with encouragement because someone my age did not see the next day.
No comments:
Post a Comment