It seems like I am always negative... I guess I just write about the negative things. Tomorrow I will write about the positives in my life. LOL
I have sat here and picked my brain for a few weeks over something a friend is doing. This thing is very humble and sincere. I believe on their part it is very innocent and giving. But I am like man can I even tell them from a historical, cultural, educational and maybe even religious point of view it is hurtful to read the things she is doing.
I think after living so many "isms" in the past few years I have become more open to realizing how many isms exhist in the world. Being brought up in a military environment it was hard to get into "isms" because we weren't alloud. We grew up in a MELTING POT with a bubble of your dad mom or whoever would lose stripes, get kicked out, or you would be sent to live with someone else if you even acted in any kind of hateful or predjudicial way. So after living in Ohio which has so many ISMS, I started learning about other people's and my own isms. For the longest time I think I lived a "ROSE-COLORED" life. Because of my upbringing and it never happened to me. But seeing most ISMS in OHIO I have become sensitive when i read or hear Isms. Then when it is heightened by "Priveledge"- white, gender, sex, sexual orientation, ablism, class whatever... it gets under my skin.
So for weeks I get these messages and invites to help this cause. And I am like I will just leave the group... which I know will lead to the perosn asking why I left. It is a discussion that I know my friend is not quite ready for. And honestly I am not really open to having with her. Because how my feelings have been towards the matter. I have this scholarly side that wants to just hand the person books/ articles and say why don't you read these and we have a discussion. I have taken all these classes on education, history of women, of poverty, of psychological crisis, on religious psychology, on social justice. Have read about so many ways to oppress and liberate. And at the end of it I am like "Well if yout talk about these things how are you going to present it. Then the Born Again Christian in me is like "Is it my place to say something.? If this is what the person said they were called to do maybe God will give the information to them so they can see for themselves maybe the message I want to give to the person. Plus who am i to intervene in something that really is coming from a genuine heart" As a friend, I am hurt. The language,tones, assumptions and ideologies of what is being said hurts me. They are truely pages out of books in history. I am like "Did this person really say this... and are they really doing this?" I don't want to continue getting messages . I don't want to be a part of this. I am refraining from really puting my TRUE Emotions of how much I DON"T want to be a part of this.
So I am on this soap box because most like the blog is the only way it really is going to come out. Ughhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I hate that i get too imbedded in the "analytical side" of my friends and their going on. I guess the stuff that I went through and that I was conditioned to be from 3-23 yrs old is so different from 24-29 in Ohio. Now three weeks from 31 I still struggle of the isms. I want to believe that if i told my friend the why she would understand... but my gut says she wouldnt :-(
:(
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