Reflections on a Friday Night

So It has been a LONG TIME since i have wrote anything.   I don't really know why that is.
Anyhooo,   I am home on a Friday which is becoming more of the ideal situation for me.  I have decided to do a lot of reading and meditating on me.   I have gone within to quiet all the voices of doubt  and fear I have developed over several years.  A lot of the voices are not even mine.  After meditating I have realized that people have shared their fears or imparted them in me and my journey because of several motivations.
 I have realized that many of the fears have come from others who cannot be bigger than the idea they have created for their self.   When people have said "Now Ava... you can't..." then fill in the blahs it really was code as "Now Ava, why do you think you can do that.... you are not good enough, smart enough, etc"  to do these things.   or "How dare you do that"     Why can't I?  If God put the thought in my head that means I can do it.  Nothing is limiting me from it except for myself and thoughts and distractions placed on me by others.
Next I realized that not taking the time to think about patterns of people and  circumstances coming into my life have kept me crippled.  When you continue to have the same relationship, the same convos but in different places, that tends to lead you into the same dark circumstances.  It has been interesting to realize that when you quiet the voices that aren't yours or Gods, how people act.   People who really have your best interest do not question your motives. They understand when you re-emerge that you have been okay.  People not in your best interest become deeply offended for your disappearance not for the fact you were gone or they missed you, but for the fact they couldn't tell you how your life should be, direct you in negative ways, or try to let you sit in their misery.
Also, I realize that even though we have tons of friends family that love us, but it is really good to sit and get to know yourself.  Sometimes knowing your own quirks can be a funny thing.  I laugh at realizing at how "nerdy" I can be.   Also I am very spiritual, but not religious.  Sitting alone has helped me realize this. Don't get me wrong I love Jesus and Being a Christian, but I have reflected on what it means to believe in versus have a religous affiliation  (that has helped me decide on some things).. And silencing outside influence has actually brought me closer to my own beliefs and to God.   Sitting alone has helped me heal some things that only me and the BIG MAN can heal and  bolster my faith.

So  I am going to go .  It wasn't a big big blog.. but hey i am back in action.