Facebook is sometimes like my own mini reminder of Bridget Jones' diary. So many things that remind me I made a sacrifice for my professional career when many women were in the hunt for their M.R.S. degree. This weekend I think I have congratulated at least 20 people for their engagements or weddings. SIGH.
It is not like I haven't wanted to be married. The right person just hasn't come along. I have had friends who have been engaged multiple times in their 20s and I wonder "Am I doing something wrong?" I stay confused with the men in my life. All seem to be in the Peter Pan syndrome. When will they grow up? Then i wonder if I attract the Peter Pan's. Something about me say's it is okay to linger in the when I grow up phase. I feel like coming home has reminded me more of this. I mean I have been talking to my ex that totally broke my heart right before I left for Ohio. I can see why I loved him, why we were together for over 2 years, but I can't recommit to him. Patrick has decided he isn't lovable and I am not fighting that battle anymore. I have men in other states that like me but nothing enough to move to a real relationship leading to SERIOUS commitment.
So I am left wondering, "OKay God, they are supposed to find me, but i stay in the house now.. So how does that happen?" I know I am not supposed to help things along, but believe me after looking at facebook and the endless DISPLAYS of Love.. I am like when is my turn coming ????????
Like everything, there is a season for each phase of life. I know sometimes it's hard but try to enjoy this experience and see it as an opportunity to learn through multiple relationships. A line from one of my favorite songs is "sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, is only with yourself"
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